...well, maybe not really "hooray." I adore my family-each and every one of them. But I have to admit, I'm starting to not enjoy the gathering of the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins and of course all of their kids. I am now the only one of the "cousins" to not be married with the mimimum of two kids. And everytime we get together its inevitable that the "are you dating anyone" question will come up...to which I always answer "no-not right now." Part of the time of course, I may be "talking" to someone, but I'm not sure they would understand the I-don't-know-what-we're-doing-aside-from-for-sure-sleeping-together thing and most of the time I know he's not "the one" so why answer all the questions anyways and make believe for them that he may be?
Yesterday was different though. I went to my Grandma's prepared, as always, but it never happened. And although I initially thought "finally," it then dawned me...had they given up on the hope of me finding someone? The thought of that was almost just as devastating as knowing I was only coming home to my two cats. Why does their hope and wishful thinking matter to me? I know the answer of course...really, when hope is gone, what's left?
So, here's to hoping single ladies-lets vow to never give up on ourselves, and our Prince Charming!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
The 28th Day
Alright single women...ever been cruising along doing just fine on your own and then all of sudden a somber lonliness hits you like a ton of bricks? 27 days out of the month, I'm good-in fact, I'm great at being single-as I've mentioned before, it does bother me from time to time, but in terms of lonliness hardly ever. But....uhhhhhggg...that 28th day is hard. And yes, I am sure its in direct correlation with Mother Nature casting her spell...I also eat like a horse that 28th day: pizza, sweets, chips, ice cream, cardboard-throw it all in, I'll eat it!
What happens to us to go from great to tanking in a matter of minutes? I'm not the type of person to feel sorry for myself...self pity is a type of cancer for your emotional well being. On that 28th day, it hits me though....why am I still single? I ponder the past: where did something good go bad; did I miss something good when I was with something bad; I go through my phone book, texting/calling a man I know isn't right and to be honest have no desire to maintain any type of a relationship with. I compare myself to all the non-single people I know...sometimes that actually helps me snap out of the funk-I know a lot of unhappy non-singles!
The point is, on that 28th day, I do feel sorry for me and all my singleness. My advice to any of you who struggle on the 28th day? Take a Pamprin, grab a friend, and head to Coldstone for some Apple Pie Ala Mode (my favorite flavor!). If that doesn't work, you might need to resort to the hard stuff....a bubble bath and a good cry...but take heart and dry your tears, grab a book, and realize, it WILL be better in the morning.
What happens to us to go from great to tanking in a matter of minutes? I'm not the type of person to feel sorry for myself...self pity is a type of cancer for your emotional well being. On that 28th day, it hits me though....why am I still single? I ponder the past: where did something good go bad; did I miss something good when I was with something bad; I go through my phone book, texting/calling a man I know isn't right and to be honest have no desire to maintain any type of a relationship with. I compare myself to all the non-single people I know...sometimes that actually helps me snap out of the funk-I know a lot of unhappy non-singles!
The point is, on that 28th day, I do feel sorry for me and all my singleness. My advice to any of you who struggle on the 28th day? Take a Pamprin, grab a friend, and head to Coldstone for some Apple Pie Ala Mode (my favorite flavor!). If that doesn't work, you might need to resort to the hard stuff....a bubble bath and a good cry...but take heart and dry your tears, grab a book, and realize, it WILL be better in the morning.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
My Life The Sitcom
I've read in numerous magazines that the grocery store is one of the best places to meet men. Really? Maybe for the average single girl, but not for me. You see it was after meeting a man in the grocery store that I knew a power greater than me, was purposefully providing me these male encounters for the pure purpose of other's enjoyment.
It seemed innocent, I was actually in the alcohol section-I had some college friends coming into town for the weekend-and single girl's gotta drink! Anyways, I first noticed "Tom" in the fruit and veggie aisle. Hmmm...kinda cute, definately also noticed me. As I pushed my way into the 21 and over section, I was pretty sure he would follow me. And just as I predicted, he came rolling in. I actually don't even remember what pick-up line he used, but I'm a tough one when it comes to handing out my number. I opted for email.
Later that evening when I sat down to actually check my email, there it was, with a witty title "Aisle 11." Cute and witty, I knew I needed to give the guy a chance.
A few days later I invited him over for dinner and conversation and although it went well, I did have my reservations. There was something that just wasn't sitting well with me, but since I couldn't pinpoint it, I opted to "watch a movie" we had talked about over dinner a few days later.
I don't want to mislead any of you...there was some plaful flirting on our first "date." I expected the same on our 2nd...or whatever it was. I wasn't expecting what happened next. We were both sitting on the couch not really touching, cuddling, hand holding...nothing. But as I glanced over "IT" was "OUT." I was horrified. My romance life had now become an episode of Seinfeld (a must see episode if you haven't seen it). I was shocked...as I mentioned, something wasn't sitting right, but I didn't expect that something to be "IT." IT WAS OUT!
So what's a girl to do when "IT" appears out of nowhere and when you're not expecting "IT?" Is there a polite way to get out of that situation? In the most normal voice I could muster up, I asked what "IT" was doing...why was "IT" there? Possibly worse than the appearance of "IT" was his reaction to my reaction:
Him: What, you don't want want "IT."
Me: Umm...that's not exactly what I was thinking was going to happen. Maybe we're thinking two different things-I think I might leave.
Him: That's good, I need to leave too, I forgot to return...blah, blah, blah. I was out the door.
The moral of the story: don't always believe the where-to-meet-a-man articles. "IT" might be more than you bargained for.
It seemed innocent, I was actually in the alcohol section-I had some college friends coming into town for the weekend-and single girl's gotta drink! Anyways, I first noticed "Tom" in the fruit and veggie aisle. Hmmm...kinda cute, definately also noticed me. As I pushed my way into the 21 and over section, I was pretty sure he would follow me. And just as I predicted, he came rolling in. I actually don't even remember what pick-up line he used, but I'm a tough one when it comes to handing out my number. I opted for email.
Later that evening when I sat down to actually check my email, there it was, with a witty title "Aisle 11." Cute and witty, I knew I needed to give the guy a chance.
A few days later I invited him over for dinner and conversation and although it went well, I did have my reservations. There was something that just wasn't sitting well with me, but since I couldn't pinpoint it, I opted to "watch a movie" we had talked about over dinner a few days later.
I don't want to mislead any of you...there was some plaful flirting on our first "date." I expected the same on our 2nd...or whatever it was. I wasn't expecting what happened next. We were both sitting on the couch not really touching, cuddling, hand holding...nothing. But as I glanced over "IT" was "OUT." I was horrified. My romance life had now become an episode of Seinfeld (a must see episode if you haven't seen it). I was shocked...as I mentioned, something wasn't sitting right, but I didn't expect that something to be "IT." IT WAS OUT!
So what's a girl to do when "IT" appears out of nowhere and when you're not expecting "IT?" Is there a polite way to get out of that situation? In the most normal voice I could muster up, I asked what "IT" was doing...why was "IT" there? Possibly worse than the appearance of "IT" was his reaction to my reaction:
Him: What, you don't want want "IT."
Me: Umm...that's not exactly what I was thinking was going to happen. Maybe we're thinking two different things-I think I might leave.
Him: That's good, I need to leave too, I forgot to return...blah, blah, blah. I was out the door.
The moral of the story: don't always believe the where-to-meet-a-man articles. "IT" might be more than you bargained for.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Desperate
"How did it get to this point?" A friend of mine and I were asking, rolling our eyes, sipping our glasses of wine. We weren't referring to anything in our own lives, but that of another dear friend fo ours, Karyn. Karyn is a sweet beautiful woman, yet she sees herself as having one major flaw. She's single. Not single and loving it, not single and looking, she's single and desperate. Her latest hunt for a beaux has taken place online. Not with a reputable online dating service. Instead, she found an interesting site, which will remain nameless, although, the name of which would generate some laughs. She found a man seven states away, who after knowing online for 3 weeks declared "he knows my soul...we're going to get married." Whoa, what? Does he know that? "Well, we haven't really talked about it, but I just know."
Maybe they will get married and live happily ever after. In which case, good for them. One of the many problems I have with this whole thing...maybe he's an axe murderer and she's so desperate to get married she'll overlook anything and everything for that opportunity. I know the lonliness that surrounds singleness...I understand the anxiety it can cause. But when does the lonliness, anxiety, or desire for someone become too desperate? And if you see someone traveling down that road, how do you let them know? We've raised our concerns-she's the type of person that once she gets something in her head, she'll do anything to make it happen.
For now, we're letting it slide, but ladies, be careful! There's nothing wrong with online dating-please just check your facts. If you start to feel "desperate" change your attitude. You'll never feel better about being single if you always allow yourself to feel bad.
As for Karyn, she has a history of falling in love a little too fast and being heartbroken. Maybe that's where our concern lies. I use the term "falling in love" lightly. I personally think she's in love with the idea of having someone. I'll keep you pdated on Karyn-who knows, as backwards as it sounds, maybe she'll end up being happy and I'll find myself on that website looking for a man hundreds of miles away.
Maybe they will get married and live happily ever after. In which case, good for them. One of the many problems I have with this whole thing...maybe he's an axe murderer and she's so desperate to get married she'll overlook anything and everything for that opportunity. I know the lonliness that surrounds singleness...I understand the anxiety it can cause. But when does the lonliness, anxiety, or desire for someone become too desperate? And if you see someone traveling down that road, how do you let them know? We've raised our concerns-she's the type of person that once she gets something in her head, she'll do anything to make it happen.
For now, we're letting it slide, but ladies, be careful! There's nothing wrong with online dating-please just check your facts. If you start to feel "desperate" change your attitude. You'll never feel better about being single if you always allow yourself to feel bad.
As for Karyn, she has a history of falling in love a little too fast and being heartbroken. Maybe that's where our concern lies. I use the term "falling in love" lightly. I personally think she's in love with the idea of having someone. I'll keep you pdated on Karyn-who knows, as backwards as it sounds, maybe she'll end up being happy and I'll find myself on that website looking for a man hundreds of miles away.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Is It Contagious?
Not too long ago I was meeting a business associate for the first time who works with my company. I was dressed in my trendy yet business appropriate manner ready to make a sale. As we talked our conversation turned from her needs with our company to a more personal line of questioning, what town are you from, how long is your commute, etc. Normal until the question I knew was looming and was destined to be on her list:
Her: "Are you married?"
Me: "Nope, not yet."
Her: "Boyfriend?"
Me: "No...still single."
Her: "Awwwww...well don't worry...there's still time."
Wow. Now that part I wasn't expecting. On the outside I forced my lips to curl up slightly and calmly told her I wasn't too worried. Inside, the face I was making was of jaw dropping disbelief and calmness was certainly not abounding with the voices in my head, which were saying something more to the effect, of "Well shit....am I dying?"
When did being single become a disease? Were there preventative actions I could have been taking, better yet, is there some type of prescription pill to cure me of my ailment? Are my friends who are still single single because they caught it from me? Or, did I catch it from them? And, how much time do I have?
Looking back, it was a bit comical, more so because as other associcates of hers started arriving she kept introducing me as Mrs. Smith. I am convinced this sweet woman wasn't trying to make me feel bad, what I don't understand is why its even an issue. Why is the fact that I chose not to settle for mediocre so upsetting to so many people? Maybe they did settle and that's fine, to each their own. All I ask is this-instead of pity, please, respect my choices as mine-they're working for me and I promise, they're not contagious!
Her: "Are you married?"
Me: "Nope, not yet."
Her: "Boyfriend?"
Me: "No...still single."
Her: "Awwwww...well don't worry...there's still time."
Wow. Now that part I wasn't expecting. On the outside I forced my lips to curl up slightly and calmly told her I wasn't too worried. Inside, the face I was making was of jaw dropping disbelief and calmness was certainly not abounding with the voices in my head, which were saying something more to the effect, of "Well shit....am I dying?"
When did being single become a disease? Were there preventative actions I could have been taking, better yet, is there some type of prescription pill to cure me of my ailment? Are my friends who are still single single because they caught it from me? Or, did I catch it from them? And, how much time do I have?
Looking back, it was a bit comical, more so because as other associcates of hers started arriving she kept introducing me as Mrs. Smith. I am convinced this sweet woman wasn't trying to make me feel bad, what I don't understand is why its even an issue. Why is the fact that I chose not to settle for mediocre so upsetting to so many people? Maybe they did settle and that's fine, to each their own. All I ask is this-instead of pity, please, respect my choices as mine-they're working for me and I promise, they're not contagious!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
What's Next? A Blog About Singleness? Well...actually, yes!
Remember the Sex And The City when Charlotte, in her hungover state, exasperatingly declares "I've been dating since I was 15, where is he?" Sighing in obvious agitation she puts her face in her hands and declares "my hair hurts."-
Well, that's where I am...my hair hurts too! Not because I'm single but because I apparently don't fit the mold that others expect me to fit into. I'd be lying if I said there are days and times when I wish I was anything but single. But if I allowed myself that constant self pity I know exactly how I'd be acting-desperate. I've seen it too many times!
I instead choose to be optimistic and sometimes I'm astonished at my life and what I've accomplished-and the fact that I've done it all being, GASP, single, seems to be too much for people to deal with. They declare me independent (well duh, what else should I do, curl up in a ball and die because I don't have someone to help me out). They say I must be a feminist-I'm actually not really...I just don't think I should settle to fit other's expectations. They then wonder about my sexual orientation...apparently when you've been out of college for a little while, being single somehow also means you're a lesbian.
You see, I don't think being single is all that bad. Is it hard? Sometimes. Is it lonely? Sometimes. But, I still get to be excited for first dates and first kisses. I can go out with my girlfriends and not have to ask for permission. I can take random vacations and only need to clear it with my bank account. I can eat cereal for supper and not feel the least bit guilty for not making something more appropriate.
In Single And Loving It...I'll gladly share my experiences...the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I've always said I could write a book, but a blog is easier:-)
Well, that's where I am...my hair hurts too! Not because I'm single but because I apparently don't fit the mold that others expect me to fit into. I'd be lying if I said there are days and times when I wish I was anything but single. But if I allowed myself that constant self pity I know exactly how I'd be acting-desperate. I've seen it too many times!
I instead choose to be optimistic and sometimes I'm astonished at my life and what I've accomplished-and the fact that I've done it all being, GASP, single, seems to be too much for people to deal with. They declare me independent (well duh, what else should I do, curl up in a ball and die because I don't have someone to help me out). They say I must be a feminist-I'm actually not really...I just don't think I should settle to fit other's expectations. They then wonder about my sexual orientation...apparently when you've been out of college for a little while, being single somehow also means you're a lesbian.
You see, I don't think being single is all that bad. Is it hard? Sometimes. Is it lonely? Sometimes. But, I still get to be excited for first dates and first kisses. I can go out with my girlfriends and not have to ask for permission. I can take random vacations and only need to clear it with my bank account. I can eat cereal for supper and not feel the least bit guilty for not making something more appropriate.
In Single And Loving It...I'll gladly share my experiences...the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I've always said I could write a book, but a blog is easier:-)
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